“Ladies, stop the juice cleanse!”

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“Ladies, stop the juice cleanse!”.

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“Ladies, stop the juice cleanse!”

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ImageBEFORE

An article popped up on my Facebook called, “Ladies, stop the juice cleanse!” I thought that maybe this article was about loving your body and eating a healthy well balanced diet… I clicked on it, and well…I was wrong. I start reading, and it is about 2 different types of diet pills put together to ‘amazingly make you drop 11 pounds in one month!’ And in the inspirational part of the article about starving yourself, the writer said, ‘and in just one week I felt like I had so much more energy and I wasn’t even HUNGRY’!!!

This is horrifying and disgusting, and it makes me wonder who else sees these promotions on their Facebook. And it makes me sad to think about all of the people who desperately want to be thin, skinny, fit, ect.

It is really hard for a lot of people to look in the mirror and see themselves as beautiful. I was looking at the before and after photos on these woman, and what I saw was woman go from beautiful and healthy to anorexic and devastating. Those girls were never overweight. I am overweight.

Even though I am overweight, I am still beautiful. And I am so sick of the media, and articles, and just every day people telling me that my body isn’t good enough. Yes. I do plan to lose weight because I want to be healthy, but I plan to do it by portioning my food correctly and working on my sugar intake as well as being more active. I do not plan to starve myself, or eliminate anything from my diet completely. I do not plan to hate myself until I reach my goal weight.

In high school I struggled with an eating disorder to the point where when I did eat, I couldn’t keep my food down. I got down to 140 pounds, and when people looked at me, they still fat shamed me. They encouraged me to get smaller. But then when it came time to eat and I refused, people would get angry with me. I was so sad.

I know from experience that starving yourself doesn’t work. Because when I started eating again, I blew up. I am not going to hate myself for that. I am happy, I am beautiful and I love myself. I will get in shape, but I will do it on my time, I don’t need to lose 11 pounds in one month.  And I will enjoy losing weight, because I am going to be HEALTHY. No starving for this girl. NO way NO how.

 

ImageAFTER

“Happy”

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We are obsessed with pain and sorrow

So much so that as soon as the sun starts to shine

We create our own majestic rain and thunder

We are happiest when the sky is falling

A happy day is a day full of salty tears

And broken promises shattered by a fallen hero

And failure that is latched on to by those filled with talent

We create our happiness in hollow filled no

I fail to see a day full of beautifully spoken happy

I fail to hear a song so lovely that is doesn’t make you cry

It makes you smile, it makes you laugh

I fail to lie awake and breathe worry less thoughts

In all honesty we have to start admitting

We aren’t happy when surrounded by unavoidable

Childish giggles and random silly guesses about the universe

We aren’t happy by the pure sight of a strongly grown daffodil

We are happy when our tears fall to the ground

When our hearts break at the sight of love

In reality, we don’t know what “happy” is

We only know how to express and “feel”

I’ll tell you what “happy” is to me

Happy is a simple walk around the park

The first laugh of a new born baby

Happy is the smile you are afraid to break

Catastrophic Influenza

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That temporary influenza

That reaches up into

The river flowing head

Running out of the windows

Of your ever so shattered soul

 

The everlasting migraine

That continues on for what

Seems like an endless

Shadow of your anguish

Throbbing out all the doubt

 

A hiccup full of determined

Inhales continueing the duel

To stay hidden hold your

Cracked illusion of Okay

I’m okay, fine.

 

Only in your most horrid dreams

May you screech and claw

And beg for mercy

At the symbol of your

Catastrophic existence

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The Truth To Sorrow

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The cages that are my ribs rise and fall

Rising into insecure sorrow filled gasps

The organ that is my heart seems to shatter

Underneath the compressed tension of unsaid words

I examine the answers to which I already know

Sobbing into the hands that I nibble

Weary attempts to make everything seem alright

Falling fragmented breath that reaches for a chance

Underneath the compressed tension of unsaid words

I examine the answers to which I already know

Rising into insecure sorrow filled gasps

Weary attempts to make everything seem alright

Falling fragmented breath that reaches for a chance

The cages that are my ribs rise and I fall

Sobbing into the hands that I nibble

The organ that is my heart seems to shatter

The Edge Of You

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I feel the urge to recoil from society

My heart pumps each day full

Of your blood, your infectious personality

An infection I never asked for

 

They look at me like I am you

I’m seen as someone with no real

Identity to be the person I’ve always felt that I was

I claw at the edges of my bed

 

Each night I awaken in a thick sweat

Shaking from the fear of becoming

The one thing in the world

That I hate the most

You.